Newscaster Scarlett Johansson Makes Dark Puns About Murder

By newadmin / Published on Sunday, 18 May 2025 05:24 AM / No Comments / 245 views

Saturday Night Live seven-time host Scarlett Johansson portrayed a newscaster bringing an edgy approach to how she presented stories of the day–much to her pun-loving colleagues’ disapproval.

Whereas those behind the morning anchors desk at Channel 4 New York deployed tame wordplay about lighthearted stories, fill-in nightly news host Denise (Johansson) applied the same technique to reports about gruesome crimes.

Co-host Tommy (Kenan Thompson) began with a story about astroturf being installed at a dog park, calling it a “doggone miracle.”

Susan (Ashley Padilla) followed that up with: “Later, we tip our cap-puccino to the coffee shop that donates all their leftover pastries to a homeless shelter.”

Denise, noting that those sorts of puns don’t happen on the nightly news, decided to take a stab at one.

“Next up: the hospital,” she said. “Last night, a woman was assaulted on the train.”

Tommy, not a fan of her choice of words, provided another example of what he deemed appropriate: “Life is like a box of chocolates: an Elmhurst candy store celebrates 100 years in business.”

But his advice didn’t take.

“I’ll have what she’s having,” Denise said. “A Queens couple dies in an apparent murder-suicide.”

After three more in rapid succession and a brief weather break–“This week, it’s going to be sunny–Denise was back at it.

“And in national news, ‘hasta la visa, baby’: Another infant has been deported.”

Tommy, thoroughly disappointed at this point, called a wrap on the broadcast: “Well, much like I do every time I make love to my beautiful wife, I think we have no choice but to finish early.”